UNFAIR.

went for this seminar on dating in church. lol.
went for the cny party ystd. literally got down on my knees to go for it.
i guess it was worth it. i guess. i swallowed my pride okay.

ermm. i was kinda early even though i was technically late. and thank god jason and newton came in after that. ermmm. ERRRMMMM.
i saw all the camp people. and i met new people. it was fun i guess.
yada yada yada. what can i say.

i feel down in the dumps. miserable. want-to-cry-at-any-second. whine like crap. yell. make everyone listen to my miserable crap complaints. want to make everyone else's life miserable too. want to tear something up. want to rewind time. want to make myself *** to you know who. want to go to school but when i go to school tomorrow i'll wish i was at home. dont want to go back to normal life. dont want to wake up. want him to reply me NOW.
i feel really terrible. i want to talk to someone but there's no one.
please don't tell me to talk to God.

i'm feeling really resentful towards Him now. Why can't He give me what i want. i guess everyone feels like that one point or other. but really. God You hear me right.
Knock and the door will be opened. Ask and it shall be given.
Well. I haven't just asked. I've begged. Cried.
Faith? Well maybe I am lacking just that.

bloody hell. why does it take you so long to reply. YOU SAY YOU'RE LYING ON YOUR FREAKING BED. WOULD THAT TAKE YOU AGES TO REPLY ME. UNLESS YOU FREAKING FELL ASLEEP.

Not going to mince words.
I'm pissed. at everything. at the world. at him. at my friends. at God.

I'm not sorry.

OMG. I UPDATED MY BLOG.

yes yes. I updated my blog. I've said this a hundred times and I'll say it again.
I HATE MY BLOG.
supposed to change the blogskin at aud's house but didn't.

eeeeerm. important stuff that happened since last post?
ehm. i went to aud's house and we watched paranormal activity which sucked. lucky i didn't watch saw. i saw something else though. :)
Errr. First leo meeting was yesterday. Then went for volleyball slash house practice. volleyball was awesomeeeeee. cause they weren't around. ;D
AND. uh. I finished reading dan brown's the lost symbol. it's a bloody good book.
i want to watch dorian gray. bought the dvd on sunday (SAW MICHELLE LUM THERE :D)but apparently cousin watched it and there's nudity in there. so what. bro and sis don't watch loh. memoirs of a geisha has nudity too wad. -.- ben barnes looks damn yeng in that parrt. ;)
I really really want to go for the agape cny dinner tomorrow. not want. HAVE TO. If I don't, i think i might just die. i hafta hafta go. zomgs. PLEASE LAH DADDY LET ME GO FOR THE DINNER! IT'S NOT A FREAKING SOCIAL THINGY. AND SO WHAT. ADUIII,.
OH GOD. I HAVE TO GO. IF I DON'T.. WELL. IT'S TOO SCARY TO CONTEMPLATE.
my life depends on it, daddy.

errrm. i will be missing the kembara orientation tomorrow. craps man. instead, i have this seminar on dating in church. -.- APALAH NI. i feel so tempted to tell my mom to let me skip the seminar, but the only thing i'll accomplish is her not letting me go for the dinner only. -.- and. really. it's not like i don't hear enough lectures about dating you know. i don't wanna go cause im not really, like, INTO my youth. -.-
I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR THAT DARNDED SEMINAR. I WANT TO GO FOR KEMBARA ORIENTATION.
Nothing, absolutely nothing is going my freaking way lately.
not going cf camp. my dinner thing is left hanging. im missing kembara orientation. im not going for super junior. i missed netball this whole week. i hate seeing xxx's face everywhere i go. (seriously, fix that permanent frown of yours and your sucky attitude, for god's sake.)and i have to go for that seminar tomorrow. he's not talking to me.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST. i got frigging 24/30 for maths monthly test.
reason? i'm not sure how to find the number of sides. plus, i didn't have my calculator with me at that time.
AND. my effing maths tuition is 560 per month. when i found out, i was totally whatthefuck. FUCKING 560. CAN BUY A FUCKING PHONE EVERY MONTH. 2 PAIRS OF ROXY JEANS EVERY MONTH. JUST FOR FUCKIN MATH TUITION.
i can't believe this. she's good yeah, but why 560???
i can't believe my parents agreed to pay that much. i feel so shit guilty right now.
i feel like shit.